He swung open the door into my room, his silhouette framed by the corridor lights behind him. He had a good figure. Not too muscly, not too lean, just the way I liked it. He stepped in, his sure, certain steps making its way to my table.

"So yea, what choir stuff do you want to discuss about?," I began from the desk chair I was sitting on. He stood behind me, and bent over, the warmth of his body enveloping me, his closeness, terrifying, yet exhilarating. Click, click, click, went the mouse as he browsed through a file he had sent to me in the holidays regarding the budget outline for the choir competition this coming July, unaware of the effect he was making on me. I was part of the commitee you see and as choir treasurer, I had to handle all the accounts.

"Oh yea," he said the mouse pointer poised over one column of the excel sheet, "This is the part you have to be in charge of next week, the rest of the subsidies."
"Mmm, I see, alright," I answered trying to ignore the weird reactions I was feeling. Then, the warmth disappeared and I looked around to see him sitting on the edge of my bed.
"Would you mind if I slept on your bed for a while?"
"No, no, go ahead."
"Just call me if you need to sleep alright?" as he languidly stretched on the bed.
"Yea, alright.."
"Ah, Gods, its good to be back on the bed again."
"I thought you slept on the bed and your friend slept on the floor? Don't you guys take it in turns?"
"Yea, we do, but this month is his turn to sleep on the bed."
"Oh, I see.."
"And after work today, argh" he groaned, "So, What time do you usually sleep?" he suddenly asked. I looked at the bedside clock. 3am. Honestly, around this time. But, I was feeling too tensed at the moment to sleep.
"Well, when I feel tired then I'll sleep and I don't feel that tired now." I answered lamely.
"Oh ok, just call me if you need to sleep alright?" he mumbled at me his eyes already beginning to shut. He had had a long day at work, and an irritating one too. He had gotten back only about 2 hours ago and had been complaining to three of us about the stupid people at work this evening. It was plain that he really was tuckered out. So I let him be. I browsed through the net and downloaded a few songs and blogged glad of the company, passive though it was.

"What are you doing?" he asked with one eye cracked open at the sound of me typing on the keyboard.
"I'm blogging." I said with a smile on my face. He grunted and turned over his back to me, his face covered by the small square pillow I was using. I turned off the lights and continued to blog where I had left off. Then, I just ran out of things to do and decided that I wanted to sleep already. It was 330am. I sat down on one corner of the bed and whacked him lightly with the blanket.

"Hey, I want to sleep already, shoo!" He grunted and turned around, his arms reaching out to circle around my waist and holding me. I stiffened. I tried again.
"Hey, hey" I shook him gently, "I want to sleep, you have to go now."

We used to be together. First semester here in university. I met him during choir practices. He was funny and fun, nice, understanding. A perfect good, bad boy. Until things fell apart. Near the end of the semester, he just stopped talking much with me. I had no idea why, even till now. And the distance between us just grew until, I felt it would never work out between us, and I told him so. That was it.

"Mmm, ok, five more minutes." his arms tightening around me. I stared down at him, and in my head I kept thinking why? why damn it? What the hell are you doing? Why did you come today? Are you trying to get me to be back with you again? You know I am with someone else already and yet you are doing this to me? Don't you think you've done enough damage already?

Then his hand reached up to massage my shoulder. I felt myself melting under his ministrations and fought to keep my focus. After a while, he wrapped his arms around my waist again. I fought to keep the tears away, I didn't want to see me crying. I didn't want questions to be asked. I only wanted him to begone. I didn't want him to know how much I missed him. I didn't want to give in. Tell me, should I go back to someone who left me all alone, who stopped communicating with me for no reason why? Who told me that he wanted to be out of my life and yet had told me before that he was interested in me? Tell me, should I go back to someone who made me feel the most miserable and hurt in my life?

I shifted my weight and hugged the blanket close to my body, thankful the lights were out. Thankful that he would not see the tears running down my face. And yet, part of me wanted him to feel what I was feeling, wanted him to know how much he had hurt me, part of me wanted to cuddle up to him and let out everything I had kept in since that time of silence between us. He got up, suddenly wide awake and peered at me through the dark.
"Hey are you alright?"
"Yea, yea I am" I said muffled through the blankets.
"K, I'm going now," as he got up and made his slow way to the door, "Going back to sleep on the floor," he grumbled under his breath but I heard nonetheless.
"Lock the door behind you when you leave," I said to him as I got into the bed and covered myself with the blankets and hugged my pillow stifling the sobs.
"Yea alright"

The door clicked shut.

Outside, a cold wind blew, making the leaves whisper and through the windows, trying in vain to dry the tears of the girl who wept silently, shoulders shaking with bottled up hurt and grief.